Vanilla, chicken, and earthworm stew (with a deathly dessert)

I have to say that things have, on the whole, been better. Yesterday Azalia and I were escorted by two other (and much friendlier) UVI students to visit with a couple vainilleros in a different region. We were late to meet them there and I’m afraid I made a grave error when talking to one of the professors; I was still a bit peeved by the attitude of the students from the other day, and when she asked how I would want to collaborate with UVI and I said “Well, I think I just want to work alone” she got all huffy and I could just see the steam coming off of her and her eyes were burning into me. Ooops. She lectured me about my attitude, which I though was ironic, but she didn’t know how the students had acted. I tried to defend myself with no luck, and she walked away with a begrudging goodbye. I regret acting from a lower place than I should have, but honestly, they just make me feel unwelcome and uncomfortable and I’d rather work alone! There is a more complicated under story that I’m unaware of, which includes relations between people in the school, their views of the world, their experiences with north Americans, and the fact that what I’m doing here will affect their community and not mine. It’s all very messy and sensitive and complicated stuff which makes my ignorance and awkwardness stand out even more than my white skin. I have to remember that I’m here not only representing myself, but the University of Texas and the United States. That’s a heavy load to carry!
Nonetheless, I had a lovely day traveling with the other two students- Reynaldo and Gustavo- and after a long couple of taxi rides on bumpy dirt roads in the searing heat, we arrived at out first destination. Don Cristobal, a vanilla farmer, was my first interview ever, and I think it went all right. They seemed to be expecting more from me, but honestly, I don’t have much to say and a limited vocabulary and mental power to transmit messages from English to Spanish and then produce them into sounds that can be understood. I learned some new things though- irrigation is a must for vanilla growing, as they suck up more water than juniper trees and will die without being thoroughly soaked, and that robbers sometime come, kill the farmer, and take the vanilla. I think it happened more in the past, but geeze! I was reminded both of the value of vanilla and of how strange life is.
After a brief show-around we left for the next farm and were led by this little boy down a dozen of long, hot dirt paths to the milpa, or mixed crop fields, to meet Don Santiago Francisco, and awesome guy and farmer. He grows organic vanilla, naranja (oranges), maiz, tomates, bananas, mangoes, frijoles, palmilla (used both to make ink for the American dollar and to wrap tamales- ironic, no?), lemons and café, plus probably a whole lot of other stuff I couldn’t recognize or remember. He is currently writing a book in Totonac (in which he is fluent) maintains an awesome vermiculture system (worm compost), bakes his own bread, and has a multitude of chickens, turkeys, 2 goats, and a dog. Needless to say he gets a lot of help from his wife and 10 children; while we were visiting his wife kindly invited us to supper consisting of mole with chicken (which I DID eat and have to say that despite my guilt, it was delicious) and hand made tortillas made with their home-grown corn. It was all pretty amazing stuff, and I admire their lifestyle. They were so kind and generous; I wish I could have given them something in thanks! But that’s just the thing; here when someone shows you hospitality they don’t want pay or anything and it’s considered offensive. But then when the gringos come and everyone gives them stuff and they leave, many seem to think that they come just to use and exploit the kindness of the people. What to do, what to do?
When saying goodbye to the family I made yet another mistake; do NOT kiss men in the country on the cheek when greeting or saying goodbye! It is an acceptable practice in among women and both sexes in the cities, but definitely not with men in the county. As I went to kiss Don Santiago on the cheek he turned his head abruptly to dodge it, but luckily I had to catch the bus in a hurry and was saved from the awkwardness of it all. I think they just laughed at me for not knowing the customs or how to act, so once again I’m just a silly, ignorant American. Quite humbling.

Azalia left on a night bus bound for Xalapa, so now I’m on my own! Wish me luck!

P.S. I been exploring my fears and the thought has ocurred to me that all my fears have their origins in the fear of death (fear of rejection= you won´t be able to survive on your own, etc). Fears are so complex and multifaceted, they´re quite interesting to explore, but if you´re not careful you can get lost in the maze they create in your mind. Please post thoughts below!

¡Saludos!

Allison

Papantla and Beyond

I’ll be frank- the last few days have been pretty hellish, including a lot of sweat and tears (thankfully no blood, but a lot of headaches!). After taking the night bus from Xalapa to Papantla, then Papantla to Espinal (6 hours total) without getting any sleep, I was dead on my feet and useless as far as understanding and speaking Spanish goes. Futhermore, it was hotter than a hippopotamus’s mouth and just as humid. However after some delicious breakfast consisting of huevos mexicanos with chiles and tomatoes, agua de mango, and hand made tortillas and black beans that we ordered basically in a lady’s living room I felt a bit better (and it only cost 5 bucks for the two of us! Hooray for small-town Mexico!) Then Azalia and I met some students and professors at the campus of UVI (Universidad Veracruzana Intercultural) in Espinal, which specializes in teaching students for local, sustainable development; the professor that had invited us was very cordial, but I have to say the reception by a good portion of the other faculty and students was at best lukewarm.

Despite this, the professor persuaded two students working with Primero de Mayo to escort us to the community and introduce to send a blessing over our visit. We also scheduled a tour of some nearby vanilla farms of other communities for the next Monday with a few other students. With these plans Azalia and I packed our stuff to Papantla (it’s amazing how much more your bags weigh when you’re beat and it’s 100 degrees outside) and tried to find a place to stay. After going to our first destination and only finding a dotty old woman and prison-like rooms, we looked around a bit more and finally decided to take a rest on a nice bench and eat some mangoes. A man across the way kept letting his eyes stray over towards us, and I thought, “Oh, man, another creepy Mexican man!” Annoyed, I wanted to leave quickly, and as soon as we got up the man across the way jumped over and said, “Aha! I was waiting for you to get up because this is my office- the best bench with the best tree.” He seemed trustworthy, so we asked him if he knew of any rooms for rent. Luckily he did, and here I am in a wonderfully ghetto apartment that has wireless internet but smells like dog piss and poop as soon as you step out of my room or go up to the roof. My room is painted a bright powdery blue with a set of windows that give a great view of the city. I felt so lucky to find it! We settled down and later I explored the city a bit and found it to my liking.

So the next day was the first visit to Primero de Mayo; I didn’t get to talk to people much there, half because there weren’t many people to talk to and half because I felt very intimidated surrounded by Azalia, a very strong personality and talkative woman, and the two students, who had bad vibes almost visibly emanating from their bodies. Overall it seemed like a lovely little community, very green with a wonderful mango tree. After a brief introduction it was back to Papantla, where I then had my next breakdown- I felt so lost, alone, and young and I wanted to leave as quickly as possible because I didn’t know what to do. After talking to as many people as I could get a hold of and doing a good bit of crying I calmed down a bit and devised a plan. The next day though was worse; I felt trapped here in Papantla, men were hitting on me like crazy and I hated them all, hated Latin culture and the damn hot weather (still a bit resentful of that) and cried hysterically. Once again, I eventually calmed down a bit and slept and read a lot, and decided to go to Tajin the next day, an archaeological site with Totonac pyramids.

The pyramids were really cool, and I was reminded how again and again people can achieve great things and still fail. There was a sad air about the place of fallen greatness, which probably fed my own melancholy disposition; thankfully a chance encounter changed that. I was walking around minding my own business, when this girl of 15 named Alejandra came up to me and asked me the usual questions, and also for my email. I complied and recognized her from when I was eating breakfast alone at a nearby restaurant. All of sudden her family (I guessed) surrounded me and started taking pictures, without even having said a word to me! It was such an odd, funny situation that I had to laugh. I said hasta luego and continued on my way by myself.

When I had done with the pyramids I wandered towards the entrance and was looking for a bus back to Papantla. I saw the man I presumed to be Alejandra’s father standing next to a bus and I asked if it went to Papantla. He said “Sure it does! I’m going through that way.” I was a bit confused but hopped on and learned it was a tour bus and Alejandra’s father Polo was the driver! It turns out they had seen me eating breakfast earlier and I looked sad, so they had come up to me in the pyramids to cheer me up a bit. They invited me to continue on with them to a beach called Tocolutla; their kindness and sincerity encouraged me to go. I ended up borrowing some shorts and a shirt from Alejandra to swim in and enjoyed the sea and the conversation with both Alejandra and Polo. All the people from the bus too were very kind; I don’t know exactly how they all knew each other, but nonetheless all were very kind and said a hearty goodbye when Polo dropped me off at the bus station to return to Papantla in the evening. And now I have an open invitation to Puebla, their city, whenever I’d like to go and also to accompany them on a trip to Chiapas August 7. I probably won’t go because my ticket to leave is for then, but still the sentiment is quite nice.

People of Mexico- I don’t hate you! I just hate your creepy men. :)

And this week I begin the real work of interviews- we’ll see how it goes!

Love to all and to all a goodnight,

Allison

P.S. The best things to eat here are enchiladas verdes de pipian and the tamales de frijoles con verdaduras at the little market in the center of the city. I think I got sick off of them, but I don’t care! They’re so delicious. And the pastries here are basically inedible, but I seem to forget every time I order some and end up not eating them or eating them with a sour look on my face. Ooops.

Also, much thanks to my dear mother, sister, father, and friends for all your support! I love and need and appreciate you all!

Xalapa, parte dos

I've been up and down and all-around this past week, with of moments of adventure, action, anxiety, and everything else (including a LOT of Spanish).

On Wednesday I met with Azalia, the assistant of my professor Dr. Rebecca Torres- I can't even begin to express how helpful she's been. She's basically arranged my accommodations in Papantla, has been trying to contact the community where I'll be working, and held my hand as we went around the city and talked to multitudes of people for help on the subject of vanilla. When I could barely understand or communicate to the people at UVI, la Universidad Veracruzana Intercultural, I panicked in my usual way- "trapped rabbit," or "deer in the headlights," or my favorite: "squirrel with a dog on it's tail trying to make it safely up a tree before it loses its life."

I questioned why I came here, what I was doing, if I could actually make any difference to anybody. I wanted to go back to Oregon, to Texas, somewhere within my comfort zone, with people I love, who love me and with whom I can be completely ridiculous and laugh at myself.
Thanks to some encouragement from Tabby, I felt a lot better about everything- I don't have to be perfect, but I can try my best, laugh at my mistakes, and keep up my spirits to actually do some positive work for both myself and others. And these past few days have been phenomenally better.

Azalia and I took care of some errands, went to a library to get some material on the Primero del Mayo community and vanilla and afterwards visited the local farmers market, where they sell all sorts of crazy-looking fruit that's super-rico and loads of fresh vegetables. I bought some helote (a type of maiz), green beans, calabaza (squash), cebollas (onions), tomatoes, and some hand-made blue corn tortillas. I sauteed/steamed it all and stuck it on a warmed up tortilla with cheese and some jalapenos- que rico fue todo!

I also signed up for individual Spanish classes which I hope will help, am practicing Spanish almost all the time, and am having a blast just seeing the area, hanging out, and letting go. My friend Coleman from UT is here studying as well, and it's been wonderful hanging out with him, meeting people, having fun. And today we went with others from his class to Coatepec and Xico, two small towns near Xalapa. It was so beautiful- the ancient churches have such a warm prescence and are built and decorated with so much care down to the smallest detail, from the murals on the ceilings, to the stuccoed outer walls, painted a cheery orange and yellow. And the coffee from Coatepec is famous; needless to say, I felt justified to have two cups (and didn't get too twitchy!)

In Xico we had lunch at a beautiful restaurant near the river, and although it was delicious, I'm swearing off both fish and restaurants for a while. It was just too much, and I feel so guilty for not being able to finish it! Plus I need to save some more of my scholarship money; it just keeps slipping through my fingers....
Afterwards we walked it off by hiking to a beautiful waterfall called The Waterfall of the Nun; the name is a bit strange, but it didn't look anything like a nun- it was gorgeous. Everything is tropical, green, flourishing, and flowering, coffee and bananas spring up like weeds everywhere, and it isn't nearly as hot as Texas! I love finding all the little things that make a place special, like the cracks in the sidewalks, ridiculous signs, libelulas (dragonflies), mosses, and mini-ecosystems that hold so much life. Cheesy as it sounds, it makes it feel so incredible to be alive.

Besides that, I've just been exploring the city, talking to people, seeing free movies and concerts (an awesome classic guitar one and a piano one tomorrow), and doing a bit of work for my Spanish and research. I'm excited and a bit nervous to get to Papantla Wednesday, but I know I'll get there, maybe have a breakdown from the stress of it all (really, I'm a squirrel), and finally adapt to my surroundings, the dialect, and the people and learn to make it home (it's where the heart is, and I have to be present). Once again I feel lucky to have such an opportunity- so much to learn, see, and do in so little time!

And sorry for the lack of photos- I keep forgetting my camera and honestly don't really like to experience everything through more lenses than I have to (I already have a lot accumulated in our mind) and I feel self-concious as well for being a white, American tourist. But I'll try more in the future. It's just so hard to capture things as they really are...

To all you Spanish speakers- cuidate! My guns are loaded with rounds of new refranes y palabras de las calles, gracias a los jovenes Mexicanos that I've been hanging out with. Like that Spanglish? :)

I love you all dearly will check in again soon!

Allison

Xalapenos en Xalapa

Hola todos!

Es mi primer dia en Xalapa, y me encanta la ciudad!

What a great city! Everyone is so friendly and helpful, and I feel great just being here alive and in one piece. Some of the highlights of the day: walking along lakes bordered by beautifully muraled walls, watching chickens with their babies and turkeys puff up and talk as I walk by, a donkey on the highway, MANGOES, and good times with good people.
I walked all the way to the Universidad Veracruzana, the sister university of UT, and it's a beautiful campus full of trees and lakes and wildlife. I got a bit lost and was helped out by a kind biology student who ended up giving me a bunch of tree seeds to take home! It's lovely just to chat with people and see their shocked faces as I tell them I'm here basically by myself and not really knowing what I'm doing at all (though less so now).

Tomorrow morning I'll talk with a student of Dr. Torres to see when I'll go to Papantla- hopefully by the 18th of June so I can catch their famous Vanilla Festival!

Love to all,

Allison